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17.4.17

obstacle(s) to learning Torah

I seem to have trouble when it comes to learning Torah. It is as if there is some hidden obstacle(s).
The last day of Pesach was when a rosh yeshiva was having the last meal before the end of Pesach and I did not attend. That blew my chance of marrying his daughter. Then getting back to Israel finding myself thrown out of every yeshiva that I attempted to sit and learn in got me to wonder myself if it is really worth it to learn?
Something strange is going on. So to some degree I found a kind of compromise by going with the opinion of the Rambam who advocates a four fold path of learning Torah (Oral and Written), Physics and Metaphysics. [The Polytechnic Institute of NYU I went to and majored in Physics]
Still something strange is going on. It is almost as if, even when I manage to get my hands on a book of Torah, that it does not take long until I lose it, or something happens in some way that I can not use it. Maybe I just do not have the merit to learn. Something always happens. So cherish every word of Torah that I can learn being aware that it can easily be taken away from me in the blink of an eye.

Maybe it is just some kind of test? But who knows?